parental guidance movie - what leaders & parents can learn

Parental Guidance, the movie, has a great message for leaders and parents. It’s a great movie to see with your family and will leave you with lots of warm and fuzzy feelings. Our family has a tradition of going to the movies on Christmas night and this year Parental Guidance was our choice. And it was a good one!

Plot Overview: Artie & Diane Decker (played by Billie Crystal & Bette Mitler) are grandparents who have been pushed out of their daughters’ and grandchildren’s lives. The main reason is a vast difference in parenting philosophy. The plot unfolds as Artie and Diane agree to look after their three grandkids when their parents need to leave town for work. Problems arise when the kids’ 21st-century behaviors collide with Artie and Diane’s old-school methods. Spoiler Alert – Mom and dad (as well as children) eventually see the good of having Artie & Diane be a part of the family.

Here is the movie’s trailer. It’s a really funny and wonderful movie for all ages!

The overall theme of the movie – It takes a tribe to raise children.

Parents need grandparents to help raise their children. This hits home for me because our family just moved back to New Orleans, our hometown, after living in San Diego for three years. In San Diego, our kids were distanced from their grandparents, and a big void was present. They missed out on a lot their grandparents had to offer. After being in New Orleans for 6 months now, I see the beauty of having grandparents being involved in our kids’ lives. As parents, we only have so much to offer and are limited in our capacity to raise children. We have our shortcomings, failures and inadequacies. Grandparents can come alongside of parents in the journey of raising kids. They bring out things in our kids that we can’t and see things we don’t. They also have a lot of experience. After all, they raised the parents.

Parental Guidance does a great job highlighting the conflict parents and grandparents often experience. The conflict often comes in the form of a difference in parenting philosophy. Sometimes, the grandparents are too pushy, imposing their ways on the grandchildren. Parents react by distancing themselves and kids from the grandparents. However, the grandchildren benefit by working through these conflicts. Furthermore, parents and grandparents grow closer to each other when they work through these issues as well. Everybody wins.

But what happens when grandparents live a long distance from their grandchildren? Well, I can certainly relate to this one. Looking back on our time in San Diego, we could have done a much better job of staying close to the grandparents. I would encourage parents to keep the connection strong with grandparents who live far away. It is a lot of work and it isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

Yes, both parents and children benefit a lot by having grandparents in the mix. But I think it is just a first step, which leads me to my next thought.

Young people flourish in the context of a community. In his book, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, Reggie Joiner explains the benefits of families connecting to a wider community. Young people do best when they are surrounded by a group of people who collectively contribute to their well being.

My family is a great example of this. We are close to Dan & Paulette, who have four kids that range from 6 to 13 years old. Two of their boys are the same age as two of my boys, and they are all good friends. My wife and I are also close to them. My kids spend a lot of time over Dan & Paulette’s house, and their boys spend a lot of time over our house. Recently, while my son Ethan was at their house, Paulette did some research on Ethan’s taste buds. Since Ethan was a baby, he was a picky eater. He only eats certain kinds of foods, which tend to be on the unhealthy side – hamburgers, french fries, fried chicken, hot dogs, pizza, etc. There are certain kinds of foods he really doesn’t like. Foods with a certain kind of texture, which unfortunately tend to be more on the healthy side. My wife and I just thought Ethan was a picky eater, so over the years we have encouraged (or forced) him to eat other types of foods. A few weeks ago, while Ethan was over Paulette’s house, she was asking Ethan some questions about his taste buds. Then, she did some research online, asking Ethan lots of questions, and discovered he is a Supertaster. A supertaster is a person who experiences the sense of taste with far greater intensity than average. Basically, he has super taste buds. The researh also shows that many kids outgrow it as they get older. Once she shared this with my wife and I, it helped us take a different approach to the situation. Without her help, we might have never known.

The benefits of raising kids in a wider community go well beyond eating habits. They extend to spiritual and character development as well. The more we expose our kids to other people who have Biblical values, the more they soak it up. The more kids see other adults who love Jesus, the more likely they are to love Jesus. The more they see peers who make good choices, the more likely they are to make good choices. You get the idea.

As church leaders, it is our job to facilitate a community of people who loves Jesus. We nurture that community and provide opportunities for families to connect with each other. How does your church connect families?

As preteen leaders, we have an opportunity for preteens to benefit from a community of peers who do life together with God in the picture. How do you develop community for preteens?

As parents, it is our job to discover and plug into a wider community. Is your family plugged in?

Parenting can’t be done effectively in isolation. Grandparents play a key role in the lives of their grandchildren. Furthermore, everyone wins when families are plugged into a wider community.