Thriving Through Ministry Conflict

Recently, I experienced a number of conflicts on all fronts – at home, work and with family. My usual response to conflict is avoidance. I find it much easier to ignore, rather than confront conflict. However, all of my recent issues were unavoidable. I had no other choice than to deal with them. The most difficult part was that they were occurring at the same time – a perfect storm. My guess is that I’m not alone. Many of you are experiencing conflict within your church or ministry. And if not right now, you will soon. Conflict is a never-ending element of church and ministry life.

Church ministry is full of conflict because people are involved. People sometimes let us down, not living up to our expectations. People bring their past hurts and poor ways of dealing with conflict into the mix. Church ministry is messy, because relationships are messy.

Conflict within a ministry is unique because a church is much like a family. You share life together and when a conflict is not dealt with in a healthy manner, it has the potential to hurt the family. When there is unresolved tension in a church family, it sabotages God’s work.

Two common unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict:

Avoid conflict

Many, like myself, prefer to sweep conflict under the rug. We ignore, avoid or overlook potential conflict. Then, we can’t hold it in any longer and explode, hurting those around us. Or maybe we keep it stuffed down and the problem is ever addressed. It then grow, getting worse and hurting those involved.

Fight conflict

When conflict arises, many are ready for the fight. Putting on the boxing gloves, they hurt those involved by not being sensitive to their feelings. They attack, control, yell, manipulate, scream or are over-bearing.

How do you deal with conflict in a healthy way? You learn to thrive through the conflict.

One of the conflicts I dealt with recently was involving my wife and I. What sparked the disagreement? We were at a relationship class at church. Apparently, we’re not the only ones at the class fighting. A relationship class often brings up unresolved issues. Once brought out into the open, a conflict arises. Jena and I had a very long conversation that lasted a few hours before we got anything resolved.

Here are a few ways to thrive through conflict:

Recognize and address the conflict. 

Within a church ministry, potential conflict is everywhere – a volunteer repeatably shows up late to serve, a preteen has discipline issues or lead pastor mice-manages the staff. The best thing you can do is learn to recognize an issue that needs to be addressed. See it and decide to do something.

Communicate in a spirit of love.

Don’t attack, name call or generalize. Address the issue in love.

The goal is to resolve the issue.

Your goal is to work through the issue. Be upfront about that with others involved.

The more conflict, the stronger a relationship.

Conflict has the potential to strengthen teams and relationships. If dealt with in a healthy way, the bond can be stronger. Stronger teams and relationships can be a powerful force within the church.

What conflict have you been avoiding? What issues do you need to address?